About LGBT/QIA+ Couples & Sex Counselling

What is Sex Counselling?

When you’re looking for a sex therapist for gay men, or lesbian women, or any gender- & sexually-diverse relationship that is experiencing problems in the bedroom, you’d consider Counsellor Dean Richardson MNCS(Accred/Reg).

Although…  even though we know that any couple can experience sexual distress and dysfunction, it’s not just any couple relationship we’re talking about… it’s yours.

When sex has become difficult, complicated, maybe impossible, the couple may be left with a significant black-hole within their relationship that they want to resolve together.

LGBT Couple Counselling aims to assist the couple in beginning to understand their sexual behaviour problems both from a practical point of view (what’s going wrong physically) and from an emotional point of view (considering if a dysfunctional sex life may be a barometer of some deeper problems). 

Working with an experienced gay couple relationship counsellor such as Dean can support the couple in beginning to discuss sex and intimacy problems in a safer environment than discussing things alone. With the couple counselling process focusing upon problems with sexual engagement, the couple can find new ways to talk about their intimate, behavioural and emotional problems together.

The purpose of couple counselling would be to learn about sex-related problems in greater detail. With new knowledge comes new inspiration and creative practical steps to repair that which had become broken.

Sex counselling for Gay Male Couples

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Sex Life Problems

When we’re talking about the mechanics of sex: there is little – if any – LGBT/QIA+ orientated sex education or gay/lesbian-relationship education in schools or colleges. Chances are that every gay boy and lesbian girl had to figure sex out for themselves (often by trial and error, and sometimes resulting in failure and shame).

It’s completely understandable that many gay men and lesbian women struggle when it comes to intimate sexual relationships.

  • As a male gay couple: when he says “no” to sex does his husband hear a rejection and feel shame from opening invitation to intimacy?
  • As a lesbian couple: what “she” understands as being “sex” may not be what her partner understands as being “sex” at all. Do their disagreements result in avoiding sexual engagement?
  • When “goal orientated sex” is the only option because neither partner have heard of any other forms of sex; they didn’t know what “goal orientated” means.

When we’re talking about the emotional side: sex problems can be a barometer of emotional struggles not being discussed between the couple. The energy used to not talk can leave other expressions of energy impotent. Tackling the emotional side within counselling can shift the barometer and sexual engagement becomes easier.

At LGBTCoupleCounselling.co.uk gay and lesbian couples learn methods to unpack sexual matters that are not being spoken about, and psychological tools that can help them both talk openly with each other about intimate sex matters. Through sex therapy for gay couples they learn that they can discuss this stuff together.

You’ll both be online in safe surroundings with your counsellor for these discussions… and we’ll go at your pace.

Sex counselling for Lesbian Couples

Sexual Dysfunction (Secondary).

When we’re talking about sex counselling, then (to get a little technical for a second) we’re a;sp talking about “secondary” sexual dysfunction.

“Secondary” dysfunction refers to emotional blocks and difficulties within sexual relations. “Primary” dysfunction refers to physical causes of sexual problems. Primary dysfunctions are better treated by your GP Doctor (e.g. a prescription from a GP for Viagra may be helpful to a gay man addressing a primary sexual dysfunction).

Counselling is better when addressing secondary dysfunction.

So, working with gay and lesbian sex problems in Couple Relationship Counselling can begin to address problems such as:-

  • Secondary Impotence (inability to achieve or maintain an erection – an emotional problem).
  • Premature ejaculation (where training techniques may be helpful).
  • Inexperience of same-gender sex.
  • Vaginismus.
  • Uncomfortable or impossible penetration (problems experienced by both gay men and lesbian women).
  • Difficulty/inability to orgasm.
  • “Performance” anxiety (that is – the stress of engaging sexually when emotionally difficulties are unresolved).
  • Partners having different levels of sex drive.
  • Partners have different ideas about what “good sex” really means.
  • Sex as a means of escape or avoidance (i.e. simulated intimacy).
  • Sexual fantasies not matching up to reality.
  • ‘Lesbian bed death’ (long-term emotional intimacy interferes with sexual intimacy)
  • Body dimorphism (self-worth/self-esteem issues).
… and other similar issues.

Sexual Dysfunction Counselling

Couple Counsellors vs (Psycho)Sex Therapists.

Couple counsellors ~ such as Dean Richardson MNCS(Accred/Reg) have training primarily in relationship matters… and counselling sexual dysfunction is a part of that training.

Psychosexual therapists have training primarily in sexual-functioning matters… and may also have training in counselling couple-relationship matters too.

So, there is an overlap – a grey area – in between how both therapists practice.

As a gay or lesbian couple seeking relationship counselling you may wish to decide if your sexual partnership is struggling primarily with emotional/relationship intimacy problems, or is struggling primarily with a physical dysfunction. This may help navigate you towards the right kind of therapist for you both.

If you’re unsure, you’re welcome to make contact with Dean for an opening counselling session to help you both make the right decision for your needs Making an informed decision may be a helpful option for your partnership.

Gay Men Sexual Dysfunction

Effective Approaches to Sex

The couple will take an active part in developing their own treatment plan along with their counsellor.

Perhaps the couple will initially look to the couple counsellor to “tell them how to fix things”, but an effective counsellor will involve the couple themselves in developing their plan (not prescribe treatments).

There will be homework to do!

The counsellor may ask questions of the couple which the couple have not thought about before. This can help the couple begin to be curious about their problems which may begins to highlight comprehension the couple hadn’t attained before. With new information comes new options and choice, possible beginning to dislodge problems with their sex life.

LGBT/QIA+ Sex Counselling at LGBTCoupleCounselling.co.uk takes the form of verbal discussion in session.  No sex (i.e. undressing etc.) will happen during the counselling sessions. Sex will (of course) become part of the discussions to be planned in the privacy of the couple’s home, but the preparations and discussions about sex (in session), whilst might be a little embarrassing in the beginning, can be a big relief once the couple get used to the discussions .

Subjects too intimate for the counselling sessions may be reserved for the safety of the couple’s own privacy… but not before the couple are ready.

LGBT Counselling for an Intimate Relationship

When your Relationship Sucks… Sex Counselling!

(Sorry – bad joke 🤣).

Sex counselling for LGBT Couple Relationships is a wise choice you and your partner can make.

There are no practical instructions (no “do it in front of me” from the therapist). It’s all talk, all preparation, all experimental and all feedback into the next session.

Couples frow to develop their own transformational approach, helping them engage sexually again, and helping them to make the counsellor redundant (seriously!).

Through counselling: address intimate sex-life problems resulting from intimacy and relationship conflicts… together.

About Dean Richardson MNCS(Accred/Reg)

You could choose any counsellor…

Given that this will be the most intimate and vulnerable you could be with your partner(s), you would want a skilled professional whose expertise you could trust, and whose focus would be upon your distinct relationship. Your couple or group relationship will be in good hands with Dean. He works from Great Britain, is Independent of "box 'em/shift 'em" therapy services and identifies as a gay couple counsellor. He's also easily payable in pounds sterling! Dean already had an impressive 14 years actual video webcam experience way before the first British emergency began (when suddenly counsellors added a Video option to their portfolio, having not practiced so previously! 🤔).

What makes Dean a Distinct Counsellor

  • Dean is sensitive and effective to your sexuality / gender-identity and intimate ways of relating to each other.
  • You'll discover quickly that Dean is an informed member of your own community.
  • Dean demonstrates adept skills with lesbian, gay, bisexual, asexual, fluid, mixed sexuality and same-or-mixed gender relationships having over 22 years expertise as a therapist.
  • Dean avoids the role of "all-knowing expert." Experts do not learn and adapt to new situations (such as your distinct relationship). Experts simply instruct using a pre-programmed approach 🤔.
  • Dean speaks plain English (and can swear like a virtuoso if you like, or not at all if you prefer). He works cooperatively with your relationship (no unnecessary silence, or just "hmms...").
  • Dean is an accredited member of The National Counselling Society. Accreditation is a valued recognition of his substantial expertise, originally awarded 12 years ago from another professional organisation. He is a member of the Psychotherapy and Counselling Union of Great Britain.
  • Dean is a British Counsellor working from the South of England. Unlike other counselling services operating from abroad 😲 Dean is actually registered, accredited, insured & supervised from within England (not from abroad).

If any of this resonates with you and your partner(s), you should probably meet with the the Online, Gay Relationship, Video Counsellor Dean Richardson MNCS(Accred/Reg) for yourself.

 

Dean focuses on LGBT/QIA+ relationships as a specialty in therapy. He works with individuals, couples and small groups. Plus, he's qualified to a postgraduate level (Chichester PG Diploma in Psychodynamic / Systemic Couple Counselling, IGA National Foundation in Group Counselling) as a private practice counsellor*.

(*Note: not all counsellors, particularly those who are trained by common "Individual" Counselling qualifications, have such specific qualifications for working with couples or groups. Nor do they have experience in working with therapeutic relationships. Such counsellors may try, perhaps out of misplaced goodwill, to employ "individual" techniques but the couple or group find that the approach is ineffective. This is simply because your relationship is not part of the counsellor's primary theoretical framework nor rationale. A couple is not: "individual-counselling-multiplied-by-two." Remember to always ask your potential counsellor: "what qualifies you to work with our relationship?" and trust your instincts based on the responses you hear.

Accredited Registrant of the National Counselling Society
Member of the British Psychotherapy and Counselling Union
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The Cove Therapy Rooms, 12 West StreetHavantHampshirePO9 1PFUK
+44-56-0366-3067£30-£130
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Private Relationship Counselling exclusively for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Mixed & Queer Couples and Established Polyamorous Groups - serving the UK Nationwide over Zoom & Skype, plus locations in and around central Havant, Petersfield to Waterlooville, Cosham to Portsmouth & Southsea, Southampton to Chichester, Fareham to Gosport, Hayling Island, Emsworth, Westbourne, Rowland's Castle, stretching westwards to Bournemouth and eastwards towards Brighton & Hove. For local residents anywhere in between and regularly further afield!

Got a Question about Counselling?

Don't Hold Back… if you have a question about counselling for gay / lesbian / bisexual couples & groups, or want to ask about making a first counselling appointment, you're welcome to get in contact to discuss your needs.