About Sex Therapy for LGBT Couples in Counselling.

What is Sex Therapy for LGBT Relationships?

Gay and lesbian couples in committed relationships can experience problems in the bedroom… just like all other couples can. When sex has become difficult, complicated, maybe impossible, the couple are left with a significant black hole within their relationship.

Counselling aims to assist the couple in beginning to  understand their sexual problems both from a practical point of view (what’s going wrong physically) and from an emotional point of view (considering if sex may be a barometer of some deeper problems).  Working with an experienced gay couple relationship counsellor can help the couple begin to discuss sex and intimacy problems with each other, in a safer environment than discussing things alone.

Through Couple Counselling, focusing upon problems with sexual engagement, the couple can find new ways to talk about their intimacy problems.

The purpose of LGBT Couple Counselling would be to learn about the sex-related problems in greater detail. With new knowledge comes inspiration and practical steps to repair what has become broken.

Why can Sex be a Problem?

If we’re talking about the mechanics: there is still no adequate LGBT sex education or gay/lesbian-relationship education in schools. Chances are that every gay boy and lesbian girl are still having to figure sex out for themselves (often by trial and error).

It’s completely understandable that many gay men and lesbian women struggle when it comes to intimate sexual relationships. What she understands as sex may not be what you understand as sex. When he says “no” to sex it may not be about rejecting intimacy from you.

If we’re talking about the emotional side: sex problems can be a barometer of emotional struggles within the partnership. Something that cannot be spoken about (unrelated to sex) may be making sexual expression difficult (or impossible).

At LGBTCoupleCounselling.co.uk gay and lesbian couples learn techniques, methods and tools that help them both talk openly about intimate sex matters with each other.

As an LGBT Couple, you’ll be in safe surroundings for these discussions, and we’ll go at your pace.

Counselling to Focus on Secondary Sexual Dysfunction.

If we can get a little technical for a second, then we’re talking about “secondary” sexual dysfunction here.

“Secondary” refers to emotional blocks and difficulties within sexual relations.

Secondary is different to primary sexual dysfunction. Primary dysfunction refers to physical causes of sexual problems and are better treated by your GP Doctor (e.g. a prescription from a GP for Viagra may be helpful to a gay man addressing a primary sexual dysfunction. Counselling is ideal to address secondary dysfunction.

So, working with gay and lesbian sex problems in Couple Relationship Counselling can begin to address problems such as:-

  • Secondary Impotence (inability to achieve or maintain an erection – an emotional problem).
  • Premature ejaculation (where training techniques may be helpful).
  • Inexperience of same-gender sex.
  • Vaginismus.
  • Uncomfortable or impossible penetration (problems experienced by both gay men and lesbian women).
  • Difficulty/inability to orgasm.
  • “Performance” anxiety (that is – the stress of engaging sexually when emotionally difficulties are unresolved).
  • Partners having different levels of sex drive.
  • Partners have different ideas about what “good sex” really means.
  • Sex as a means of escape or avoidance (i.e. simulated intimacy).
  • Sexual fantasies not matching up to reality.
  • ‘Lesbian bed death’ (long-term emotional intimacy interferes with sexual intimacy)
  • Body dimorphism (self-worth/self-esteem issues).
… and other similar issues.


Couple Counsellors versus (Psycho)Sex Therapists.

Couple counsellors ~ such as Dean Richardson MNCS(Accred/Reg) ~ have training primarily in relationship matters… and sex therapy is part of that training.

Sex counsellors (or “psychosexual” therapists) have training primarily in sexual-functioning matters… and may also have training in couple relationship matters.

There is an overlap – a grey area – in between both sets of qualified therapists.

As a gay or lesbian couple seeking relationship counselling you may wish to decide if your sexual partnership is struggling with emotional/relationship intimacy problems, or is struggling with a physical dysfunction.

Your therapist can help you make that decision ~ perhaps within the first session or two ~ of whether you’ve chosen the right therapist for your relationship.

A Counselling Approach to LGBT Sex Problems.

The couple will take an active part in developing their own treatment plan.

Perhaps the couple will initially look to the couple counsellor to “tell them how to fix things”, but a good couple counsellor will involve the couple themselves in developing their plan.

There may be homework!

The counsellor may ask questions of the couple which the couple have not thought about before. This can help the couple begin to be curious about their problems which begins to dislodge problems with their sex lives.

Sex therapy at LGBTCoupleCounselling.co.uk takes the form of verbal discussion in session.  No sex (i.e. undressing etc.) will happen during the counselling sessions. Sex may (of course) become part of the discussions to be planned in the privacy of the couple’s home, but the preparations and discussions about sex (in session), whilst might be a little embarrassing in the beginning, can be a big relief once the couple get used to the discussions .

Subjects too intimate for the counselling sessions may be reserved for the safety of the couple’s own privacy… but not before the couple are ready.

When your relationship sucks – but not in a good way…

Sex counselling for LGBT Couple Relationships is a choice you and your partner can make together to help address intimate sex-life problems resulting from intimacy and relationship conflicts… together.

Contact Counsellor Dean Richardson MNCS(Accred/Reg) today…

About LGBT Couple Counsellor Dean Richardson.

You could choose any counsellor.

But… when you consider that this is probably the most personal and the vulnerable you're going to be with your partner, you'd likely want to choose someone you could trust with your relationship.

  • Someone who was sensitive and effective with you and your partner's sexuality and ways of relating.
  • Someone, who'll you discover quickly, is a member of your own community.
  • Someone who demonstrates adept professional skills with lesbian female, gay male, and mixed sexuality couple relationships, who speaks plain English (and who can swear like a virtuoso, along with you both as much as you might need - or not at all), and works co-operatively with the couple's relationship (he doesn't sit in silence, or just goes: "Hmm" for 50 minutes).
  • Someone who is an accredited member The National Counselling Society (accreditation originally awarded 12 years ago from another professional body, being a process that validates a counsellor's substantial experience and attention to an ethical practice) and who is a member of the Psychotherapy and Counselling Union of Great Britain.
… then you'd probably want to meet with LGBT Counsellor Dean Richardson MNCS(Accred/Reg).

Plus, Dean is has postgraduate qualifications Couple Counselling (not all counsellors have such specific qualifications… I know, right?!) and focuses on LGBT relationship counselling as a speciality.

Yeah, you'd choose a local gay couple counsellor also accessible via Video (see HavantCounselling.com/video).

Simple choice, really 😉

Private Relationship Counselling especially for Lesbian, Gay & Mixed-Sexuality Couples - serving locations in and around central Havant, Petersfield to Waterlooville, Cosham to Portsmouth & Southsea, Southampton to Chichester, Fareham to Gosport, Hayling Island, Emsworth, Westbourne, Rowland's Castle, local residents anywhere in between and regularly further afield!

Got a Question? Don't Hold Back…

If you have a question about gay & lesbian couple relationship counselling in Havant and Waterlooville, or want to ask about making your first appointment, feel free to drop me a line any time…