Gay Male Couple Archives - LGBTQ+ Couple Counselling | Video Therapist

When Loving Men are Drifting Apart | Counselling Works…?

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accred/Reg) — Sun, 26 Oct 2025 11:01:22 +0000

Love between men, husbands, spouses, significant others, boyfriends, or even just friends can be deep and steady, but occasionally it can begin to drift.

This brief article explains, in plain English, how counselling for gay couples (the science bit: using integrated systemic and psychodynamic theoretical models) can help your most precious relationship – or friendship – rebuild trust, break repeating patterns, and rediscover its real connection once again. When men ask, “How do we stop our relationship from drifting?”, counselling (along with some hard work, too) may be their ideal solution.

Is therapy a form of magic? 🪄

No, it’s simply an effective, easy-to-learn approach that you’ve likely not come across before…

Why Men in Relationships Considers Counselling 💔

Even the strongest of relationships can reach a point where they feel stagnant or even unbearable.

What brings male couples to counselling? (Alanjvm)

Maybe old arguments have started to repeat without ever reaching a resolution.

Maybe the once exciting intimacy has faded into a silence.

Sometimes the problem isn’t about conflicts, but there is a quiet sense of disconnection – a feeling that you’re living side by side rather than together.

Men – friends or boyfriends – who are drifting apart may not know who to turn to for help.

Stress from work or family, rejection, internalised homophobia, having suicidal thoughts or simply experiencing the decline of a gay community to lean on are just some experiences that can hurt men’s relationships with one another.

But when love feels complicated and the conflicts exceed what men can manage alone, counselling for men’s relationships offers partners an opportunity to pause, talk openly, and rediscover what drew them to each other. It works for men either in an intimate relationship or a platonic one .

By caring enough to invest in your relationship, counselling gives you a neutral space to understand each other more deeply, to strengthen your emotional safety, and to help rebuild a partnership that can feel very much alive and worth investing in once again.

An Integrated Approach that helps Men 🔮

Counsellor Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg) applies an integrated systemic & psychodynamic approach to couple counselling. This means that he helps you both look at your relationship from at least two really useful angles.

Counselling Theories and Models (Gerd Altmann)

The systemic side shows the patterns you fall into – who withdraws, who pursues, and how conversations spin out. Think of this as zooming out and watching how you behave together.
The psychodynamic side goes deeper: it explores how past experiences – messages about masculinity, early rejection, or the stress of hiding parts of yourself – can shape how you connect now.

When combined together, these helpful ways of looking at relationships from a psychological point of view can help you, as the couple in conflict, begin to see behaviour cycles more clearly; and once you can see things more clearly, the hidden feelings that have been fuelling unhappy behaviour can become revealed, understood, and attended to.

Healing your Partnership through Comprehension 💡

Many gay men carry emotional weight from earlier years: family rejection, bullying, the effort of always explaining who we are, or the burden of hiding ourselves away from public view.

Healing by Understanding (Alessandro Alle)

Most of us have experienced homophobia, and some of us still feel fear at the core of our lives. Experiences like these can result in a kind of armour that grows, making it harder for you to trust and be close.

In counselling, we create an emotionally safe environment where both partners can take the risk of lowering their defences (aka the “armour”).

The counsellor will help guide your conversations so that both of you feel heard rather than just feeling you’re receiving nothing but blame from your partner.

When defences begin to soften, empathy has room to grow – the first real step toward restoring genuine intimacy in your relationship.

Looking for Couples Therapy

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR THE GAY MEN'S COUPLE COUNSELLOR……who understands many of the problems that gay male couples face and who can assist in working through to better times?

Read about Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg)'s gay couple therapy services today and begin your journey toward the more connected, more resilient relationship that you both want back.

Learn more…

How Couple Counselling Addresses Stuck Patterns 🧩

Gay male couples can become stuck in repetitive patterns of behaviour. Arguing about chores, sex, or time together is rarely just about those topics, but perhaps these are the topics the couple feel they can argue about without opening the proverbial can of worms (i.e. dealing with the sensitive topics that they really want to).

Stuck Behaviour (Arek Socha)

Often the same emotional pattern keeps playing out: one partner withdraws, the other pushes for closeness, and the loop repeats.

In counselling, the systemic lens helps us recognise the loop, while the psychodynamic lens helps us understand where it came from (and how it developed) in the first place.

Maybe a long time ago, one partner learnt that needing anyone would lead to rejection, and the other partner learnt to defend rather than feel vulnerable, resulting in the relationship becoming helplessly behaviourally stuck.

When learning to detect patterns of behaviour and what they’re really about under the surface, the couple can change how they respond to one another: pain becomes visible, not just provocational, and the couple can manage the actual pain together, rather than argue about who is supposed to be washing the dishes.

Rediscovering Connection between Men’s Relationships 💘

Connection doesn’t always mean complete understanding of their partner, perfect sex, constant romance or holding hands at the cinema.

Rediscover Intimacy (Tyli Jura)

Connection and/or intimacy are about feeling safe enough to be yourself and to share your needs with your partner.

When vital aspects of your relationship are lost, counselling can help rebuild intimacy and safety, and when safety returns, physical closeness can follow naturally.

Couples therapy – especially with an understanding an experienced LGBTQ+ relationship counsellor – encourages curiosity: asking fresh questions about each other’s wants, fantasies, boundaries and history.

By employing curiosity themselves, the couple can learn new information in a safe way – and with such new information comes new choices and new directions in which to the coupke might take the relationship.

These conversations, handled with care, can lead to a more honest and satisfying sex life as well as both partners developing a better relationship with intimate affection.

Beneficial Tools & Exercises to Improve Connection 👨🏻‍🔧

Counselling isn’t just talk. You get to develop your own clear tools that you can use at home:

Relationship Tools (Steve Buissinne)

How to spot and name your relationship patterns before they escalate.
Simple communication techniques that prevent arguments from turning personal.
Ways to ask for what you need without triggering shame or withdrawal.
Steps to rebuild trust after distance or small betrayals.
Ways to ask questions that are helpful, and how to reply to questions without becoming wounded or defensive.

These tools – when developed together with your counsellor – can help the couple move from reacting defensively to one another to choosing how they want to be with each other.

Taking Pride in Growth & Achievements 🏳️‍🌈

When two men invest in their relationship, they strengthen more than their bond – they strengthen a partnership that can weather stress, change, and outside pressures.

Pride through Growth

Counselling helps you bring your full selves – resilience, vulnerability, and humour – into your distinct relationship.

By bringing your true selves, your relationship can grow, and you can both take pride in that growth.

Couples in counselling can build a shared confidence and the quiet pride that comes from choosing to work through difficulties to create a more honest, joyful partnership.

Whilst counselling may seem daunting to begin with, many see it as the most satisfying achievement that the both of you experienced together.

A First Step is Simple Conversation 🗣️

It’s normal to hope problems will resolve on their own. But relationships don’t come with instructions, and when they go wrong, there’s no manual to refer to. Asking for professional support doesn’t mean you failed; it means you care about the future of the relationship.

First Steps in Counselling (sayays)

If you want to explore couple counselling, look for therapists (a) experienced with LGBTQ+ relationships and (b) who are qualified to employ an integrated systemic and psychodynamic theoretical model of therapy.

Online therapy for gay male relationships is no different than meeting your counsellor in his office – except you’re using video conferencing devices just like you do for business, and just like you did with family and friends during the 2019/20 Lockdowns.

One honest conversation together in the presence of a skilled, experienced counsellor like Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg) could be the beginning of lasting change for you both.

Get in Contact Today… 📝

You might like to arrange to make a first conversation with Counsellor Dean. That’s easy to do, using this website’s Contact Me page.

So if you’re thinking: “my boyfriend and I are drifting apart” and you’d like to develop ways to nip that in the bud, let’s create a big, easy button for you both to press together… Are you ready?

Let’s start that conversation…

Featured Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

The post When Loving Men are Drifting Apart | Counselling Works…? appeared first on LGBTQ+ Couple Counselling | Video Therapist.

Couples Don’t Talk… for Very Good Reasons

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accred/Reg) — Fri, 01 Dec 2023 12:16:47 +0000

Why Couples Don’t Talk…

You both may have given up talking to one another. You may have wondered why you cannot have a good conversation any longer. You may not have realised that you’ve stopped talking for very good reasons.

Why do gay couples stop talking to each another? Why is it hard for a gay couple to talk about their relationship? Why doesn’t my boyfriend talk with me anymore? What stops gay couples talking over their problems?

Maybe… when you tried to talk about things going wrong in your relationship, the conversation raised arguments that neither of you could diffuse. Maybe you tried to talk about:

An affair that happened years ago.
He might have said something that made you think: “…do I know him at all?”
You learned she has an emotional wound that you both just shouldn’t be talking about.
Recurrent behaviour that irritates you (both? ), but because you cannot talk about it and resolve it, you both avoid the matter, and not talking became a habit that pervaded other parts of your partnership.

…and these matters, which become undiscussable (for very good reasons), can remain hidden away, eating at the intimate space between you until, one day, something happens that brings them disastrously out of hiding once more… 😢

Counselling: a Safer Place to Talk

So, couples don’t talk… for very good reasons,

Why couple counselling can help: when entering into counselling, we can begin to create a safer place where important conversations might begin to take place. This place might be in the counselling session; it may involve both of you finding a neutral place away from the sessions.

Wherever that neutral space turns out to be, it will be a location where the issues we could not discuss previously can now take place.

Sure, we may need to create some rules that help you maintain safety and containment together. We will discuss what you both hope for in being able to talk. The couple counsellor can monitor both partners during their talking, and he intervenes when it all seems to be going a bit wrong. The couple can learn how to check in with each other while their conversations take place, so that they can monitor safety and change tactics when they’re away from a counselling session.

Whatever therapeutic framework we create together, it will be one that’s unique to your distinct relationship needs.

We’ll aim to make things work for both of you, enabling you to talk with each other again.

10 Reasons Couples Stop Talking

Talking to one another—and I mean really talking—is such a powerful tool, but it’s one that can be easily broken. We talk easily when we first meet, and as our relationship develops while things are going well. However, when talking seems to cause problems (note: it’s not actually talking that’s a problem, but the couple doesn’t realise this yet), stopping talking becomes the easiest way to prevent problems from escalating further.

Communication is a powerful tool, but it can be the first tool to atrophy when we really need to connect with loved ones.

Here are ten reasons we stop talking together.

Lack of Emotional Intimacy, Unresolved disputes, unmet needs, or a belief that one or both of them is taking the other for granted can all contribute to a couple becoming emotionally distant and withdrawing from communicating to each other.
Unspoken Judgements. When a couple makes unspoken assumptions about each other’s behaviour, roles, or future intentions, it can lead to misunderstandings and resentment, and unsaid expectations can build tension and make it difficult to communicate about such judgements.
Fear of Fights. A couple may avoid talking to each other out of fear of starting a fight; they may be concerned about their partner’s reaction, or they may fear that discussing a tough topic would lead to another dispute, of physical harm, or possibly of the complete collapse of the partnership.
Unresolved Conflicts. When issues between the couple are not addressed or resolved, they can fester and form a communication barrier; resentment, hurt, and anger can accumulate over time, making it difficult to participate in open and honest conversations.
Lack of Quality Time. We all have busy lives, and a couple may prefer other responsibilities over spending quality time with each other, which can lead to partners becoming disinterested in one another’s distinct lives and interests.
Different Communication Styles. As an example: when one partner prefers direct communication and the other prefers indirect or subtle communication, they may be unable to appreciate the other’s style, leading to misunderstandings and frustration. The solution, they believe, is to force the other to use their style, but this creates tension and stops further conversations.
Technology Dependence. Texting or social media can be a useful way for some couples to communicate, but without attention, it can also reduce face-to-face talking, diminishing opportunities for meaningful talks in their partner’s presence.
External Stressors. Financial difficulties, work stress, family issues, and other stressors can affect a couple’s relationship, making it difficult to talk to each other—or just not knowing how to bring up external stressors for discussion.
Unrealistic Expectations. When unrealistic expectations about relationships and partners are not satisfied, a partner may feel let down and retreat from communication, which can induce a similar reaction in their partner, and they both spiral into not talking any longer.
Underlying Issues. Depression, anxiety, substance addiction, or infidelity can all have an affect on a couple’s capacity to communicate with one another, and these challenges can call for professional intervention to assist the couple address the core reasons, allowing them to improve their communication with each other.

Helping you Tell your Story (once again)

It can help to think of couples counselling as “telling their story together.”

Here’s an example.

A couple comes into counselling carrying an open box. Inside the box are many jigsaw pieces, all mixed up. The pieces, together, represent how the relationship is supposed to “look” to the couple. The couple assumes that all the pieces that should be there are there, and they begin to build the jigsaw together to make the picture. As they do, the following happens…

One partner pulls out a piece, saying, “a blue piece—this obviously means it’s a piece of the ‘sky’!” and attempts to match their jigsaw piece to others that may also be sky.
The other partner looks at the piece, saying, “but a blue piece is not ‘sky’; blue is ‘sea’!” They take the piece away from their partner and tries to fit the piece with other pieces that might also be “sea”.

A struggle ensues between the partners. Some pieces are fitting together and others are not; the couple is fighting over whether “blue” means “sky” or “sea” and, therefore, what the overall “picture” is meant to look like.

But there’s a bigger problem with this approach than just the argument…

What Nobody has Noticed

… is that no-one brought the jigsaw box lid with them!

The couple don’t know what their relationship “picture” is supposed to look like.

This is a BIG problem for the couple!

Each partner in the relationship has an individual assumption about what each jigsaw piece is meant to be. Without the picture, though, they are not able to refer to a common image. They aren’t talking or bargaining with each other to figure out what each part of their relationship could mean. They are both forcing the other into accepting their individual meanings.

If this jigsaw puzzle story were analogous to a gay couple’s relationship, what does counselling contribute to helping the couple rebuild (or build for the very first time) the picture of how their relationship is going to look?

Learning your Partner’s Story

During counselling sessions, the counsellor’s role will include facilitating the gay couple into discussing, negotiating, and agreeing / empathising / compromising upon what each “jigsaw piece might mean”.

In the above example, blue could mean “sky” (according to one partner) or “sea” (according to the other). But what does “blue” mean to the couple’s relationship?

We’re assisting the couple in learning new information (remember the top of this page: new information → inspiration, negotiation, compromise). With new information, we may discover new ways for each component of the relationship to fit together. We might learn different attributions for parts of the relationship. We might learn what the relationship picture is supposed to be.

We’re supporting each partner with hypothesising: “if a blue piece could be more than sky or sea, what else could it be?” to empower the couple with newer (piece-fitting…) options to help build their newer relationship picture.

The couple (at their own pace) becomes empowered to make their own hypotheses about (and with) each other. As this ebbs and glows, the counsellor steps back and forward, holding the concept of the couple’s relationship in mind. The couple are discovering new information and are making new, informed choices sufficiently for the pieces of their relationship to fit together, better than before, and a clearer picture is developing in front of them.

Helpful Tips from Counselling

In this blog post, we’ve discussed reasons why a couple is no longer talking—it has become easier to not talk.

To begin trying to undo current behaviours and trying to begin talking again, these tips may help:-

1) Individually make a list of things to talk about. Compare the lists.

2) When making a request of your partner, things you say should be in one-sentence-at-a-time form. Try not to speak in whole paragraphs (or whole chapters!) or the risk is that your partner will lose the main point of your request.

3) Meet in a neutral place (such as away from home). Choose a safe place (a coffee house may feel neutral, but can you have a valuable conversation there?)

4) Be honest.

5) Listen! Listening is a different behaviour to: waiting to deliver your retort.

6) When replying, address your partner’s point first (rather than firing back a: “well you were even worse than me in this example, I’m now going to regail to you..!!”)

7) Speak in “Post-it!” note length. If you’re telling your partner something important, if, when written down, it’s more than a post-it note can hold, then your partner won’t hold it in their memory either.

8) If unsure of how to respond, ask your partner for help.

9) Responding with a solution may be less helpful than responding with empathy (“I understand, truely”)

10) Apply Circularity: what do you think your partner is thinking; check it out with them rather than acting on your assumption.

I hope this blog post helps xx

👫🏻 Gay / LGBTQ+ / Queer Couple Therapy...

The post Couples Don’t Talk… for Very Good Reasons appeared first on LGBTQ+ Couple Counselling | Video Therapist.

9 Questions Gay Couples ask of Google Gemini…

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accred/Reg) — Mon, 27 Nov 2023 15:20:05 +0000

Further to my article: Common Problems Gay Couples Resolve in Counselling, in this post (as a real counsellor) I’ll tackle the most common queries that gay couples put to Google’s large language model querying service: NINE Queries Gay Couples Ask of Google Gemini.

…individual partners may ask different questions of their partner as a couple relationship situation is often seen from different perspectives and different points of view.

It is important to acknowledge that every gay couple is unique and may have varying concerns preferences when it comes what they worry about in their relationship. In this post, we will explore some common questions that gay couples ask of Google Gemini, but this is how a real, experienced gay couples counsellor responds, rather than a large language model automaton.

And when you’re done, you might like to read about my Online Video Counselling for Gay Couples service. It’s pretty neat😁👍.

Ready?

Looking for Couples Therapy

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR THE GAY MEN'S COUPLE COUNSELLOR……who understands many of the problems that gay male couples face and who can assist in working through to better times?

Read about Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg)'s gay couple therapy services today and begin your journey toward the more connected, more resilient relationship that you both want back.

Learn more…

The Nine “AI” Questions

A REAL Gay Couples Counsellor answers the questions that gay couples commonly ask of Google Gemini. Will the answers be more or less accurate? Here are the nine top questions with my answers (hi 👋) provided below.

“How to save my gay relationship?” Dean Replies: Relationships can save themselves with the assistance of a relationship counsellor. The counsellor can help a couple identify what’s going wrong in the relationship (different partners will have different points of view) and will work with the couple to assist them in finding their own resolutions and their own approaches to what which threatens to end their relationship Read more about this advice…
“Is my gay relationship going to last?” Dean Replies: Relationships take different forms, which we call a Couple Fit. Provided the couple recognises each other’s needs, gives what their partner wants, and negotiates conflicts, a couple’s relationship can last through many years and many stages of their partnership. A relationship may transform from year to year, sometimes a little and sometimes a lot. Being flexible and embracing change is your friend. Read more about Couple Fit on Counselling Directory…Read more about Relationship Stages
“Why is my gay relationship not working?” Dean Replies: Here’s an important fact: we cannot change anyone’s behaviour; we can only change our own. So if our relationship is not working, it could be that we’re not reviewing our behaviour with respect to improving the relationship; making it “work”. Perhaps we’re waiting for our partner to do something, without thinking that the ball might be in our own court (while he’s waiting for us!). Talk openly and learn what needs addressing Read more about Conversations Gay Couples should be Having…

Instantly Improve your Relationships with this Secret Task…

How do techniques from systemic relationship counselling improve an LGBTQ+ couple's (or group's) relationship… FAST?

"The Secret Task that Improves Relationships…" could be the solution you're seeking; instantly halting the escalation of severe arguments.

This knowledge, known to systemic relationship counsellors, won't make a counsellor of you, but it will help transform a bad situation.

Reveal the secret…
“How to communicate better in my gay relationship.” Dean Replies: Communication is a two-way street, and it can be better by practising a few skills. For example, when you are listening to your partner, stop preparing to reply. When we are thinking about preparing our reply and we’re waiting for the space to deliver our retort, we stop listening. When we are ready to reply, we must reply to what our partner has said, rather than give a kind of “well I know you are, but what am I” reply. Communication needs us to comprehend what is being said to us, acknowledge and value what is being said to us, and only then add our reaction and thoughts to what has been said to us.

An example:

Poor:
Him: “I would like us to go to dinner and really talk”.
You: “You never listen to me when we talk.”

Better:
Him: “I would like us to go out to dinner and really talk.”
You: “I would like that too. I sometimes feel as if you’re not listening to me, though.”
Him: “I didn’t realise that. What do I do that makes you feel that way?”
You: “Here’s an example…”

Read about “the one useful task a couple can do”…
“How to deal with conflict in my gay relationship.” Dean Replies: Conflicts are incompatibilities. You want something but he does not. Where you like something and he does not. It’s about opposites and an unwillingness (or inability) to negotiate. Negotiations can be win-win (you both find something that meets with your approval), win-lose (where one of you gets what he wants but the other does not), or lose-lose (neither of you gets what you want). Over a longer time span, win-lose can be thought of as “I don’t mind what you want to do, although I don’t really like it. So tonight I will do your thing with you and tomorrow you can do my thing with me” – a negotiated compromise of exchange. Try this article on Counselling Directory on “Negotiating the Difference”…
“How to deal with infidelity in my gay relationship.” Dean Replies: Infidelity is the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner. But infidelity does not have to be about sex acts, either. Any agreement between a couple where one later acts outside of the agreement can be considered infidelity. Let’s introduce you to the idea of ethical non-monogamy for a moment. This is where partners have agreed that sexual encounters with people outside of the relationship are permitted (sometimes with a set of rules designed by the couple). Ethical non-monogamy removes the state of infidelity through a prior agreement. Of course, without such a prior agreement, an act of betrayal by one’s partner can be hurtful. Read more about this advice…
“How to come out to my family and friends as a gay couple.” Dean Replies: There are many articles on how to come out (as an individual) but not so many about coming out as a gay couple. The thing is, if your family and friends are aware of your boyfriend’s existence (even if they don’t know his actual relationship with you), the chances are that they have already picked up on the idea that you are closer and more intimate than you imagine they think! If your relationship with your boyfriend is secure and it’s been going on for a healthy amount of time (read into that: longer than a week), then perhaps coming out as a couple would be wise to follow wise advice on coming out as an individual but with your boyfriend present. How to Come out to Family and Friends (The Guardian)…
“How to deal with discrimination as a gay couple.” Dean Replies: As someone once said: “if you’ve never only dared to hold hands with your partner in a gay club, then you haven’t experienced the sometimes frightening prejudice from some parts of the public.” My advice is to keep going and keep being safe. Prejudice is about ignorance (literally, not understanding) and about fear (a lot of us fear the unknown; think of the villagers hunting Frankenstein—too old a reference?). By keeping going, we slowly get the message out that we are a normal part of society (case in point: Russell T. Davies’s introduction of “Rose Noble” in Season 14 of Doctor Who). We prevent harm from ignorance by staying safe.
“How to find support for my gay relationship.” Dean Replies: Support can come in many forms: such as meeting with a couple counsellor to help you both address a relationship problem or attending social support groups for couples and/or LGBT people. The groups don’t have to be therapeutic; they can be social groups, such as couple board game nights. Try searching Google for social or support groups. Go to Google…

Helpful Tips from Counselling

Of course, not all gay couples will experience the problems listed as common by Google Gemini.

Couples Counselling can be an excellent resource for a gay couple, particularly when things haven’t been going well lately.

By looking through this website, the couple thinking about talking with a counsellor might find that Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg) appears to match their particular needs as a gay couple counsellor.

But to make sure, you can put Dean through his own evaluation criteria as described in this blog post: “How to Choose Your Counsellor – Top 13 Questions“.

Hope this blog post helps xx

👫🏻 Gay / LGBTQ+ / Queer Couple Therapy...

The post 9 Questions Gay Couples ask of Google Gemini… appeared first on LGBTQ+ Couple Counselling | Video Therapist.

Top 5 Priorities for Gay Couples seeking an Online Counsellor

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accred/Reg) — Sun, 19 Nov 2023 17:53:17 +0000

What do gay couples seek from their counsellor, when they’re considering a new, online video counsellor?

While individual partners will have varied preferences and priorities, when selecting a couple’s counsellor, there are some common factors that both partners will consider important.

…individual partners will have varied preferences and priorities from a gay couples counsellor, but there are some common factors that both partners will consider to be important.

It is important to acknowledge that every gay couple is unique and may have varying preferences when it comes to finding an online video counsellor. In this post, we will explore some common preferences that many gay couples consider when searching for the counsellor who can assist them with their relationship issues. These preferences may vary from couple to couple, and the specific needs of the reader may be different.

So, here are five points that gay couples look for in a counsellor to help them with relationship problems.

And when you’re done, you might like to read about my Online Therapy for Gay Couples service. It’s pretty neat😁👍.

Are you ready?

The 5 Priorities

Couples want their counsellor to apply LGBTQ+ Affirmative and Inclusive Approaches. Gay couples often seek counsellors who affirm diverse sexual orientations and gender identities. It may be a priority that the counsellor identifies as gay and male (or similarly to the couple’s identity). The gay couple wants a professional who understands the unique challenges that they are facing, that same-sex relationships face in general, and situations that are regularly faced by the LGBTQ+ community. The couple needs someone who is knowledgeable about the specific issues that are arising in their relationship. Dean is an LGBTQ+ affirming and inclusive counsellor, applying a systemic therapeutic approach that requires neutrality. Read more about Dean’s LGBTQ+ Affirmative Approach…
Gay Couples want an Experienced Same-Sex Counsellor. Some gay couples prefer a counsellor who has experience working specifically with partners in a same-sex relationship. Experience in addressing the challenges and dynamics unique to gay relationships can contribute to a more effective therapeutic process. Dean has 16 years experience of working with LGBTQ+ couples, having created this service originally for long-distance LGBTQ+ couples. Read more about Dean’s work as a gay couple’s counsellor…
Gay Couples want an Open-Minded and Non-Judgemental Attitude. A key aspect of successful couples counselling is creating a safe and non-judgmental space where the relationship partners can openly discuss their thoughts and feelings. Gay couples may seek a counsellor who is open-minded and free from personal biases, or who is skilled at maintaining neutrality (i.e. his personal biases are kept aside from the professional work). This allows the gay couple to explore their relationship without fear of judgement. Dean’s graduate diploma, awarded 22 years ago, demands a non-judgemental attitude, and his work with LGBTQ+ couples requires an open-mindedness Read more about Dean’s qualifications…
Gay Couples want Skills in Effective Communication and Problem-Solving. Strong communication skills are vital for any couple counsellor. Gay couples will benefit from a counsellor who can facilitate constructive conversations and who can provide effective tools for problem-solving. It’s important to have the ability to mediate and guide discussions in a way that fosters understanding and resolution until the couple is able to do this themselves. Over his years’ continued professional development, Dean has gained training and experience in solution-focussed therapy, which assists couple in defining their own problem solving skills Read more about Dean’s work with Gay Couples…
Seeking an Online / Video Counsellor requires he be technically competent. Prior to re-training in counselling & psychotherapy, Dean was a professional IT engineer and software programmer. He worked within both small, local software development houses (Portsmouth) and large corporations (Borland, Microsoft, IBM). When transferring his skills to practise counselling online over video (this service was originally for LGBT couples in long-distance relationships – sometimes dealing with distances of thousands of miles), Dean applied his technical knowledge and skills to this video technology. This means that many of the features offered by video conferencing (whiteboards, app sharing, break-out rooms, etc) can be used successfully in therapy too. Though video conferencing apps such as Zoom and Skype rarely have major hiccoughs, the couple can feel assured that if they get into technical difficulties, Dean will be able to advise. Dean’s integrated skills as an IT professional and, later, as a therapist span several decades and are an unusual offering in counselling services.

Helpful Tips Choosing a Counsellor

Of course, while these are general considerations, and individual preferences may differ, the most important factor is finding a counsellor with whom both partners feel comfortable and understood. Furthermore, the success of gay couples counselling often depends on both partners’ willingness to actively engage in the process and work towards positive change in their relationship. If they both get along well with the counsellor, this can have a significantly positive impact on the progress of therapy.

The points listed above are priorities and are not meant to be exclusive criteria (i.e. if the counsellor does not identify as male, nor gay, the couple may still find that the counsellor is right for their particular needs).
The points are intended to focus the couple’s curiosity and interest in what kind of counsellor could be helpful to them.

By looking through this website, the couple may find that Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg) appears to match their particular needs as a gay couple counsellor.

But to make sure, you can put Dean through his own evaluation criteria as described in this blog post: “How to Choose Your Counsellor – Top 13 Questions“.

Hope this blog post helps xx

👫🏻 Gay / LGBTQ+ / Queer Couple Therapy...

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Ten Questions Every LGBTQ+ Couple must ask themselves…

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accred/Reg) — Fri, 11 Aug 2023 11:18:06 +0000

As an LGBTQ+ couple, throuple or polycule, you may have some concerns about how strong your relationship is and what your partner(s) think about your partnership.

Would it help if you and your partner(s) could ask some insightful questions that could alleviate your worries and that may also highlight what needs to be addressed (sooner rather than later)? I’m thinking it might be.

As a qualified, experienced relationship counsellor with 26 years practical experience, let me assure you that embarking on a journey of discovery within your partnership can actually be as exhilarating as it can be enlightening. Do not be afraid!

Allow me to offer you this thoughtful scenario:

…you and your loved one have a heartfelt conversation in a peaceful place, under a star-lit sky. You both explore the intricate nature of your emotions, dreams, and aspirations that have bound you together since you first met. By asking each other thoughtfully evaluating questions, you’re not just unraveling the enigmatic layers of your partnership, but you’re also creating a space where unspoken desires might find a voice. In finding expression, listened to with genuine curiosity, flourishes in your connection can bloom, and difficulties can be embraced.

The following ten questions may serve as a compass, expertly guiding you through a maze of your relationship behaviour, emotions and responses that you find helpful.

The questions assist you in discovering the strengths that make up your bond and illuminate the corners that may require a little more light.

This is an introspective journey about creating a mutually beneficial roadmap for your future together; it’s not just understanding where you are now. This trip can help you grow, rediscover yourself, and make your love stronger and even more resilient.

Your relationship journey is waiting for you.

Are you ready?

Ten Enlightening Questions to Discuss with your Partner(s)

Communication. – Ask each other: “Are we able to communicate openly with each other about our feelings, needs, and concerns, or do we often feel misunderstood or ignored when we try to communicate?”
Conflict Resolution. – Ask each other: “How do we handle disagreements and conflicts? Do we find ourselves stuck in repetitive patterns of arguing without finding a resolution together?”
Emotional Connection. – Ask each other: “Do we feel emotionally connected and supported by one another? Are we able to share our vulnerabilities without fear of receiving judgment?”
Intimacy. – Ask each other: “How satisfied are we with our physical and emotional intimacy? Are there any barriers or challenges that we’re facing in this area?”
Shared Goals. – Ask each other: “Are our individual life goals and aspirations aligned, or do we find ourselves growing apart in terms of how we view our future(s)?”
Trust and Honesty. – Ask each other: “Do we trust each other a little, a lot, or fully? Are we honest about our actions, thoughts, and feelings? Are there any breaches of trust that we can address together?”
Respect and Equality. – Ask each other: “Do we treat each other with respect and equality? Do we value each other’s opinions and decisions? Do power imbalances exist between us?”
Life Stressors. – Ask each other: “How well do we handle external stressors such as work, family, finances, life changes, and other challenges? Do these stressors strain our relationship a little, a lot, or to breaking point?”
Emotional Well-being. – Ask each other: “Are both of us generally happy and fulfilled within this relationship, or do we feel regularly drained, unhappy, and/or emotionally unfulfilled together?”
Efforts and Commitment. – Ask each other: “Are we both willing to invest time, effort, and commitment into improving the parts of our relationship that need attention? Are we open to seeking professional help that can help facilitate us in areas that we struggle with?”

Helpful Things to Remember

These questions are not intended to encourage argumentative conversation!
These questions are meant to encourage curiosity and interest between you.
Through curiosity one can have an open conversation with one’s partner to learn new things.

If answers to these questions indicate some significant challenges to be addressed, or they highlight ongoing distress in the relationship that you both were (kinda!) aware of already, seeking counselling from a qualified and experienced couples counsellor such as Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg) can provide a safe and constructive environment for you both to discuss and address these issues. Counselling can help you work towards a healthier, happier partnership when some issues won’t go away.

Hope this helps xx

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Top Ten Benefits for a Gay Couple Working with a Gay Counsellor…

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accred/Reg) — Wed, 05 Jul 2023 16:45:18 +0000

… rather than a generalised (or even a non-couple relationship-oriented) counsellor.

It’s important to note that whilst a gay counsellor (who specialises in working with LGBTQ+ couples) may offer the following advantages, the most crucial factor in therapy is a strong therapeutic relationship. Ultimately, the choice of counsellor should be based on the couple’s preferences, comfort, and the therapist’s expertise & qualifications; a good enough fit in which to do the work.

So, let’s list the Top Ten Benefits to Gay Couples of working with a Gay Couples Counsellor…

Validation and Affirmation. Perhaps the most important benefit: a gay couple’s counsellor can validate and affirm a gay couple’s experiences, feelings, and identity in a non-judgmental and supportive manner, not only by empathy but by personal, lived experience.
A Shared Identity. A gay counsellor will have a similar sexual orientation to the client-couple, allowing the counsellor to understand deeply and sympathise with the unique challenges and experiences that this gay couple is facing.
Cultural Competence. A gay therapist is likely to be well-versed in LGBTQ+ culture, history, and societal issues, ensuring a safe and affirming therapeutic environment for LGBTQ+ clients, while holding shareable knowledge that the gay client couple may not have.
Reduced Stigma. When discussing their relationship or personal experiences with a couples therapist, the presence of a gay counsellor reduces the stigma and fear of judgement that some gay couples may feel when engaging in therapy. The counsellor knows where the couple is coming from, which can feel safe for the couple to discuss intimate matters.
Improved Communication. An experienced couples counsellor can assist in facilitating effective communication within the couple by the counsellor drawing on their knowledge (theory and experience) of LGBTQ+ relationship dynamics and communication patterns. An approach that a more general counsellor might overlook or be unaware of.
Addressing Internalised Homophobia. A gay counsellor can help couples confront and begin to overcome negative beliefs or shame about their sexual orientation and/or their intimate relationships. This is about addressing internalised homophobia—how we may carry shame about ourselves.
Building Supportive Networks. Gay counsellors are frequently aware of extensive networks within the LGBTQ+ community, which enables them the possibility to connect clients with relevant resources, support groups, or other individuals who can provide additional assistance.
Relationship Role Models. Working with an effective (happy!) gay couples counsellor can serve as a positive role model for a gay couple, inspiring hope and demonstrating that fulfilling, diverse relationships within our community are possible and deserved.
Sexual Health and Intimacy. A gay counsellor can offer bespoke, local knowledge and support in the areas of sexual health, intimacy, and relationship satisfaction, tailoring interventions to the specific needs and preferences of gay couples.
Navigating Discrimination. A gay counsellor is capable of helping couples in navigating discrimination or external challenges that may arise as a result of their sexual orientation while also providing coping/managing strategies.

In conclusion: regardless of how either partner (or the counsellor) self-identifies, an experienced, effective couples counsellor can work with a wide range of couples. Nonetheless, gay couples frequently seek out gay counsellors to assist them in working on their relationship problems. The couple must recognise, though, that not all counsellors are qualified to work with couples (or polyamorous groups).

In the UK, counsellors with a standard/initial diploma tend to train in individual therapy, not relationship therapy. Such counsellors will have very little understanding of how to work effectively with couple/group relationships because the professional techniques and theoretical frameworks for individual counselling and relationship counselling are considerably different from each other. If the couple is looking specifically for a gay counsellor, they must ensure that the counsellor has received specific training and qualifications in couple and/or group work.

Could Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg) be the right couples counsellor for your relationship?

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How does Couple Counselling Help LGBTQIA+?

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accred/Reg) — Mon, 22 May 2023 08:00:38 +0000

Gay couples counselling, also known as couples therapy or civil-marriage counselling, is a form of therapy specifically designed to help gay couples improve their relationship and to resolve conflicts together.

Relationship counselling can effectively assist LGBTQIA+ couples in resolving difficulties that they have been unable to handle on their own.

However, not all counsellors are able to offer couple counselling. Default training programs (in the UK) train counsellors to work with individuals only. Couple counselling is a very different approach therapy (no, it’s not “individual counselling with two individuals”) and only those properly qualified in couple counselling ought to be offering therapy to the public.

So, let’s discuss SEVEN ways in which couple counselling can be beneficial to gay couples:

An LGBTQ+-Affirming Counsellor

You get to work with someone who is totally on your side.

Not just a counsellor who might know some LGBTQ+ people, but a counsellor who has a deep, sometimes personal, relationship and comprehension of the struggles that gay couples may face together.

Improved Communication

A primary goal of couple counselling is to enhance communication between partners.

The counsellor helps the couple to develop effective communication skills, teaching them how to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs in a healthy and constructive manner. A systemic counsellor can help in this way by interrupting poor behaviour patterns seen in session. The couple learn to recognise that they can make their own helpful interruptions too. Improved communication can lead to better understanding, empathy, and collaboration within the relationship.

Conflict Resolution Skills

Couples can face conflicts and disagreements, which, if left unresolved, can damage the relationship.

Gay couples may face struggles that their heterosexual counterparts may not. Counselling for gay couples provides a safe and structured environment where the couple will address and work through their conflicts, in the safe containment of the therapist’s presence. The therapist facilitates productive discussions, helps identify underlying issues, and guides the couple towards finding mutually satisfactory resolutions.

Rebuilding Trust

Trust is a fundamental component of a healthy relationship.

Couple counselling can aid in rebuilding trust when it has been compromised (eg through an affair, through lying etc). The therapist will assist the couple in addressing issues such as infidelity, breaches of trust, or other betrayals. Through open and honest communication, sometimes built up over time rather than straight away, couples can work towards rebuilding trust and establishing a more secure foundation.

I Bet It’s ‘Can’t Get You Out of My Head’ © CarbonNYC

Strengthening Emotional Connection

Over time, a gay couple may experience a decline in emotional intimacy and connection.

Couple counselling focuses on reigniting and strengthening the emotional bond between partners. The counsellor can help the couple identify and express their emotional needs, foster empathy and understanding, and encourage behaviors that enhance intimacy and connection.

Enhanced Problem-Solving Skills

Couple counselling equips partners with effective problem-solving strategies that can be applied to various aspects of their relationship.

Couples learn how to identify patterns of behavior that contribute to problems, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and find mutually beneficial solutions. These skills can improve the couple’s ability to navigate challenges and maintain a healthier relationship in the long term, well after the counselling work has ended.

Preemptive Relationship Maintenance

Couple counselling can also be valuable for couples who are not currently experiencing significant issues.

It can serve as a preventive measure to address smaller concerns, enhance communication, and strengthen the relationship before conflicts escalate. Preemptive counselling can help couples develop a deeper understanding of each other’s needs, promote ongoing growth, and foster a more satisfying partnership.

In short, counselling for gay couples provides a structured and supportive space for the men to work on their relationship, resolve conflicts, improve communication, and strengthen their emotional connection. The specific focus and goals of counselling will vary from couple to couple depending on the couple’s unique circumstances and needs. The first few sessions will be about discussing these needs, so that the couple can recognise they are on the right path with the right counsellor.

Learn more about Gay Couples Counselling…

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Can Gay Couples Attend Counselling over the Internet?

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accred/Reg) — Fri, 19 May 2023 19:53:35 +0000

“Can Gay Couples Attend Counselling over the Internet?”

Yes! Gay couples can work with a counsellor over the Internet using reliable, safe video conferencing technology that you (probably) already have in your pocket.

LGBTCoupleCounselling.co.uk – with its professional counsellor: Dean RIchardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg) – is an effective helpful therapy service for gay couples who do not want to meet with a therapist in person.

Let’s discuss 5 top reasons for considering video/Internet counselling for your couple relationship.

Flexibility & Convenience via Internet Counselling.

Couple counselling using video conferencing offers flexibility in terms of being able to attend your session without having to travel to your counsellor’s office. Couples benefit from a regular session day & time that fits into their weekly diary. Gay couples in long-distance relationships or where one or both partners’ jobs take then away from home, can still attend their regularly appointment by simply loading Zoom Video Conferencing software from their location (their rented accomodation, their hotel room etc).

Such convenience is ideal for a couple’s hectic life in today’s work routines and obligations. Video conferencing allows them to keep their counselling routine consistent without having to commute or travel.

These benefits may be especially helpful for couples who have hectic work schedules or who reside in rural locations with limited access to local counselling services.

Session Ease of Accessibility.

Video conferencing provides an accessible platform for gay male couples to attend counselling sessions.

The technology eliminates geographical limitations and allows couples to connect with a qualified counsellor from anywhere, regardless of their location. This is particularly beneficial for those living in areas with limited LGBTQ+-friendly resources or who have limited travel options.

Your Privacy and Confidentiality.

Working with a counsellor through video conferencing offers an additional layer of privacy and confidentiality for gay male couples.

Couples can engage in counselling sessions from the comfort and privacy of their own home together, from different locations (even different countries) when apart and reducing concerns about being seen or recognized in a traditional counselling setting. The arrangements offered by LGBTCoupleCounselling.co.uk create a safe-space for couples to explore sensitive topics and discuss intimate details of their relationship.

LGBTCoupleCounselling.co,uk – No Waiting Rooms (Image by Daniel Cubas from Pixabay)

An LGBTQ+ Affirming Environment.

Finding a counsellor who is knowledgeable and sensitive to the unique challenges faced by gay male couples can be crucial to the effectiveness of a couple counselling relationship.

Through video conferencing, couples have the opportunity to connect with LGBTQ+-affirming therapists who have experience working with same-sex relationships. This can foster a supportive and understanding therapeutic environment that validates their experiences and identities.

Comfortable and Familiar Sessions.

Engaging in counseling through video conferencing allows couples to remain in a familiar and comfortable environment. This can help reduce anxiety or apprehension associated with visiting an unfamiliar counseling office. Being in a comfortable setting may enable couples to open up more freely, leading to a more productive therapeutic process and better outcomes.

In conclusion, gay couples can attend couple counselling through the Internet safely and in a way that suits their lifestyle.

Learn more about Gay Couples Counselling…

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Do LGBT/QIA+ prefer a Gay Couple Counsellor?

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accred/Reg) — Mon, 15 Feb 2021 09:00:14 +0000

Choosing your Ideal Counsellor.

LGBT Therapy: Choosing the Right Therapist

For gay, lesbian bisexual or mixed-sexuality (MOM) couples who are deciding to take their relationship to a couple counsellor, who they choose may be a major decision.

Something not often considered by our straight counterparts is: “do we go to someone who identifies with our sexual orientation [and/or gender identification]?” (aka a gay couple counsellor).

The counsellor’s orientation may be an important choice when considering who suits the couple best. Does even being gender-agnostic factor into the couple’s decision?

Does a couple elect for working with a gay counsellor, a counsellor who is an LGBT/QIA+ ally, or doesn’t it matter provided that the couple counsellor is capable of working effectively with their particular form of relationship?

And how does that counsellor demonstrate having capable skills?

Gay, Not Gay, Does it Matter?

This article on GoodTherapy.org was written by John Sovec, LMFT and may give all gay and lesbian couples some food for thought.

ARTICLE: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/lgbt-therapist/

In the article John covers such topics as: do the couple choose someone who is gay, is the couple’s own identity strong enough to work with someone different to them, are the qualifications of their couple counsellor sufficient (and how to tell), and does the counsellor keep their own sexuality away from the couple (for whatever reasons: therapeutic or personal).

The counsellor also needs to be aware of the specific mental and emotional health needs of LGBT/QIA+ couples: AIDS/HIV, Internalised Homophobia, Prejudice etc.

Seeking a Gay Couple Counsellor?

When you’re a couple seeking your own couple relationship counsellor (works online: Zoom Skype etc), look no further than on this very website: Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg).

Dean specialises in gay couple therapy, along with all kinds of diverse couple & group relationships (see menu above for info). Dean is a British counsellor now into his 27th year, specialising in couple counselling for LGBT/QIA+ intimate and platonic relationships.

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The Important Question I ask of Gay Couples in Counselling

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accred/Reg) — Sun, 14 Feb 2021 12:00:10 +0000

The First Session

When meeting a gay male couple for the first time in counselling, there is an important question I ask of the couple.

As a relationship counsellor, with over 26 years in practice, I began to specialise in therapies for lesbian, gay and mixed-sexuality couples around 17 years ago.

During our initial mutual-assessment session, I recognised a common struggle amongst gay male partners. In order for us to discuss whether the struggle was something this couple experienced, I developed an important question for the couple. The question was:

“What makes this relationship distinctly yours…?”

(Disappointed? Expected something shocking or surprising from the blogpost title? Let me explain my rationale…)

While it looks like a straightforward question, it is also a deceptively difficult one to answer if either partner attempts to answer it alone. The question is deliberately constructed to:

(a) give the couple an example of what it may be like to work in counselling with a couples counsellor,

(b) provoke thoughtful conversation between the couple (as it’s a question that they may answer much better if they collaborate with their answer), and

(c) reveal how the partners work through how to answer a question – such as this – together (i.e. giving us some insight into how their relationship framework is constructed).

For some male couples, this may be the first time that they have been invited to think about their partnership: “how do we define this relationship as being ours exclusively, as being distinct from any other gay male couple relationship?”.

Plus, variations of this question may include:

“What do you do to help others recognise that this relationship is distinctly yours?” or

“How does your partner help identify this relationship as being distinct from all others in his/her life?” if we’re going for a circular approach to the question).

So what’s actually going on with this question?

A Therapist’s Question with a Purpose

The purpose of my question is to invite a gay couple to test and stretch their relationship’s co-operative thinking and communication processes. These will be skills that we will use during couple counselling.

A question such as this (systemic therapists call this circular questioning”) is answered more successfully when the couple communicate with each other, rather than each partner answering individually.

The question: defining what aspects of this couple’s relationship distinguish it from anyone else’s may be a significant task for the couple. One portion of an answer might include ‘Does this couple’s relationship have distinct boundaries that separate it from others (for example, does this relationship permit either partner to engage in sex with someone outside of the relationship, and has this process been agreed upon)?’ Do the couple agree upon and respect boundaries they have previously put in place?

I’m also observing how the partners communicate. Does each partner know how the other thinks in regard to aspects about their relationship? Does each partner hold similar, or different, answers to the question from their partner – and are they OK with the similarities or differences? Are they surprised with their partner’s responses?

Before British Law Recognised our Relationships

Gay couples have not had a society-wide recognised union or ritual (e.g. civil partnerships or marriages) until relatively recently (around 2004). Historically, gay couples recognised a strong compulsion to hide their relationship from the public. Gay couples may have had to repress demonstration of their feelings to their partner in public (unlike heterosexual couples, who were free to display theirs).

Today’s British LGBT/QIA+ couples can display their partnerships in public (at least to some extent, bearing in mind personal safety is still an issue in areas of the country), but years of our repressed behaviour do not suddenly vanish when a law in changed; a couple can still struggle with how their natural feelings may still be need to be censored at some level.

As gay couples, we had to create our own form of recognisable unions – behaviours or rules that communicated, “This is our relationship,!” – which was communicated to and recognised by our families, friends, work colleagues, etc.

Just as importantly, these self-defined unions would have to be displayed and recognised to other potentially interested sexual partners (i.e. when a gay couple socialised in an environment where others may not recognise the union or who wish to ignore its existence, such as in a gay nightclub when attempting to flirt or hook up with one partner of the couple). Such couples would need to communicate on many levels: “our relationship exists, and thou shalt not come between us.”

Perhaps just as importantly, is the couple’s union something that the couple themselves recognise as being distinct from everyone else’s?

If the couple are having trouble recognising or respecting the boundaries of their own relationship, this may be an important factor of the relationship’s conflicts – and maybe at the core of why the couple have come into counselling.

Couple Therapy with Gay Men

David E. Greenan and Gil Tunnell, from their book “Couple Therapy with Gay Men“ (2002 – The Guilford Family Therapy), put it like this:

“If procreation & monogamy do not establish what is and is not a couple relationship, then the gay couple must establish another set of rules…”
(emphasis added)

In my experience as an LGBT/QIA+ couple counsellor, taking such an approach to relationship distinctiveness can apply helpfully to all queer relationships.

When a gay couple meet for couple counselling, one of the things I try to learn, as their counsellor, is: how has this couple decided that they’re a couple… and have they decided that they may, or may not, choose to exclude others from their relationship (recognising polyamory, open relationships, affairs etc.).

Reflecting on my Question in the early 2020s

As civil partnerships and equal marriage have been introduced into the UK, I’ve been considering if my original question to gay couples may still hold value.

If the couple is married, for example, does the marriage certificate establish on their behalf that this is a distinct couple relationship?

Yet, couples coming into counselling continue to teach me that even formal unions are not always an automatic distinction for their relationship… and sometimes such formal unions can be a distraction from what’s really going on in the relationship.

The Story the Couple Tell: “We’re married, hence committed to each other.”
The Story the Couple Live: “We’re married, but I don’t know where he goes every Thursday night.”

Theoretical Approach to Couple Counselling

Regardless of the sexuality or gender of the couple, in systemic / psychodynamic couple counselling the counsellor’s initial role is to be educated by the couple:

how the couple’s behaviour “system” is established (where do conflicts begin?),
what does the system do (who does what in response to whom … and what are subsequent responses?), and
how the system can lead to the relationship going wrong.

As the couple teach the counsellor, they too are learning what happens in their relationship’s “system”.

Through the counselling process, the couple can begin to review how they might recognise what leads towards their conflicts and then, together, may begin to introduce inspired ideas on how they might alter their behaviour (e.g. “instead of me shouting at you, I might say that I’m going to step outside for five minutes and then come back to talk together”).

Gay Couple Counselling is not just Couple Counselling

Incorporating knowledge of the more distinct aspects and needs of gay couples can greatly assist the gay couple to feel that their relationship is recognised by the couple counsellor, respected by the counsellor, and that their distinct (if “distinct” is definable) relationship will be assisted through the couple counselling process.

In the end, perhaps my question still holds a place of importance during the opening sessions when a gay couple comes into counselling.

Click to learn more about Counsellor Dean Richardson MNCPS (Accred/Reg)‘s practice…

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